Mental Health Resources for Parents
Although no student and their family experience the transition to college in the same way, there are some changes and adjustments that are common. There are many techniques that you can use to prevent potential problems and while dealing with issues that arise during your student’s college journey.
Changes You Might Anticipate
Parents report the experience of sending a son or daughter to college as one filled with anticipation, anxiety and confusion. Others express excitement, happiness and relief. Most parents and students look forward to increased independence, gaining competencies in new areas and learning to develop healthy peer relationships.
In general, college years are a time for students to continue maturing, developing and learning how to successfully make their way through the world. Your student has heard over and over that they are about to experience the “best time of their life.”
With that message entrenched in their head, it can be surprising and scary to many when they struggle and do not feel they are fitting in at Concordia. What does that mean for you as a parent?
How do I help my child?
As a parent, it can be difficult to know when to help, when to step back and how worried to get. Usually, a parent’s best guideline is to provide a steady, supportive home base while recognizing that there will be an ebb and flow in your students’ needs and expectations.
- Try to follow the lead of your son or daughter.
- Encourage them to work through a problem with you acting as the coach or consultant.
- Help them balance their thoughts and emotions to make their best decisions.
- Let them know that you respect their right to make a decision and that you will serve as an advisor when asked.
- Reinforce and appreciate the new skills they develop; students often want their families to recognize their progress toward becoming adults.
Parents have a high emotional (and financial) investment in their student’s decisions. Problems can arise, however, when parents are more invested in the college experience than their student. It can be hard to lessen your involvement in a student’s decisions out of fear that the student will not assume responsibility.
For many students, college presents the first challenges that they have had to face mostly on their own. Despite the number of opportunities to become involved at Concordia University, it can be difficult to make the instant connections with others that many students expect. They forget how long it takes to establish meaningful friends. It means finding out that studying the night before an exam does not work any longer. It means studying much longer to achieve the same grades they received in high school. It also might mean learning that their dream of going to medical school is not realistic. It means finding out how badly you want something and developing a plan to go after it. It means becoming resilient after setbacks. It means learning how to ask for help.
Coming face-to-face with new challenges is common in college. Finding support in dealing with these challenges is equally important. Concordia has many resources (e.g., counseling, academic advisement, academic tutoring, health and wellness education, student life, etc.) to address students’ needs. In their quest for independence, students sometimes assume that being an adult means it isn’t necessary to ask questions.
Parents can remind students that asking questions and using available resources reflect maturity. In fact, students who only try to handle problems on their own may be quite insecure. At the same time, parents and other family members can serve key roles in providing the support needed. Students tell us that it is important to know that their parents will offer consistent support as they venture out to meet the world.
What Student Counseling Services Offers
All enrolled Concordia students are eligible for up to 6 free counseling sessions per semester. Counseling services are intended to provide short-term assistance to students in dealing with personal, emotional and educational concerns that may be barriers to their academic progress.
Students will receive a referral to other sources of assistance. These sources may be on-campus or off-campus in the extended community.
How Do I Know If My Son or Daughter Needs Counseling?
We encourage students and parents to err on the side of utilizing services rather than waiting for a problem or issue to resolve itself. People seek counseling for many reasons. It may include long-standing clinical issues they already sought treatment for before coming to Concordia, a desire to enhance their personal growth or address normal developmental concerns. A student’s issues may be addressed at Concordia through individual therapy or skill-building groups or workshops.
Common issues that students come to the Counseling Center include:
- Significant changes in mood (depression)
- Anxiety and stress management
- Relationship issues (break-ups, isolation or difficulty forming relationships, roommate conflicts, etc.)
- Alcohol and substance abuse
- Eating issues and body image
- Family issues (divorce, financial stressors, etc.)
- Grief
- References to suicide
- Anger management
- Spirituality issues
- Psychosomatic issues (tension headaches, insomnia or excessive sleep, loss of appetite, etc.)
- Academic concerns (contemplating dropping out of school, worrying about possible academic failure, or considering a transfer to another school)
Confidentiality
Counseling almost always involves the disclosure of sensitive personal information. All services at Concordia Counseling are confidential and are determined by professional ethics and state law. Information about the counseling or services a student receives is not released except with the student’s written permission.
The exceptions to confidentiality include where there is clear danger to the student or others or as may be required by law. It is understandable that as a parent you may wish to be involved when your son and daughter seek assistance at Concordia Counseling. As explained above, confidentiality does not allow involvement without the consent of the student. Often the best source of information for parents about the counseling process is the student. When students request their parents to be involved, an informed consent must be signed before counselors can communicate.
Drug and Alcohol Education
As your student prepares to come to Concordia University, Nebraska, talk to them about alcohol use with the help of these resources and valuable information.
Research has found that parents can have a powerful influence on a student's successful transition to college life. Talk to your student about alcohol and marijuana before they start college and keep talking to them while they’re here. Your input matters — and helps us set the trend for responsible use of alcohol and abstaining from marijuana.
College students navigate many changes during the first year of college, but alcohol and marijuana use is often one of the most challenging to deal with.
Students who believe that most of their peers are drinking alcohol or using marijuana often feel pressure to use up to the same perceived levels, which may result in unwanted and/or dangerous consequences.
However, the truth is:
- 30% of college students across Nebraska report never having consumed alcohol
- Of those respondents who had drank in the past year, 70% of them did not binge drink (defined as 5 drinks for men and 4 drinks for women within a 2-hour period)
- Only 25% of Nebraska college students reported using marijuana (in any form) over the past year, compared to the perception that 92% of college students use marijuana (in any form) at least once per year*
- When students realize that they’re not alone in either abstaining from or controlling their consumption of alcohol and marijuana they feel more comfortable declining the invitation to use substances.
*2022 Nebraska Assessment of College Health Behaviors survey
Before coming to campus, students and parents should be familiar with Concordia's policies relating to alcohol. Alcohol is not allowed in student housing, even for legal-age residents.
Please see the Student Handbook on the Portal for specific details of Concordia’s drug and alcohol policy.
Nebraska's Good Samaritan law encourages individuals to call 911 for medical help when witnessing or experiencing acute alcohol intoxication without the fear of prosecution for minor in possession.
The policy provides limited immunity for both the caller and the acutely intoxicated person.
You will be most effective and influential if you remember that talking to your student about alcohol and marijuana use is not a one-time conversation — it’s a series of conversations that occur over their entire college experience.
- Talk directly and openly about alcohol and marijuana and their expectations for your student's behavior.
- Scare tactics don't work: Most young adults are hardwired to defend against negative messaging, and they're smart enough to realize when others are trying to manipulate them.
- Concordia offers a variety of resources and screening tools to support your student and encourage them to stay on track.
What to talk about:
- Is alcohol involved in family get-togethers? If so, how is safe drinking modeled by adults?
- What messages about drinking did you send to your student as they were growing up?
- What are the family beliefs about drinking socially?
- Suggest alternatives: Make sure your student has a plan to suggest some activities with friends instead of drinking or using marijuana.
- Use humor: If your student typically converses with a lot of humor, advise them to use it to think of things to say that can get them out of a bad situation.
- Be a good actor: Students often report holding a drink but not actually drinking it. This trick helps so others will leave them alone and not pressure them to drink something.
- Share responsibility: Have your student talk with a friend before the party to share a plan to stay safe.
- Plan ahead: Most underage drinking occurs at parties, and in most cases, your student knows that alcohol will be at the party. They need to have a plan for how they’re going to deal with the situation, so they’ll stay safe.
- Leave the scene: Suggest your student has a plan for how to get home if there’s no one at the party who has not been drinking or using marijuana or if they’re in a situation they feel is unsafe.
- Turn pressure around: Question the other person about their intentions.
- Encourage assertiveness: One of the most important ways for your student to stay safe is to develop assertiveness.
Stress Check: Signs of a Problem
Excessive stress can sneak up on students over time, and they may not notice it until they begin to experience its physical or emotional effects. Too much stress can lead to unhealthy and potentially serious physical and emotional consequences.
How can you tell if your student has a problem with alcohol or cannabis? How can you help your student if they have an alcohol or cannabis use disorder? How do you know when to intervene? Learn how to navigate these challenging situations.
Nebraska Collegiate Prevention Alliance
This website provides support for campuses across Nebraska that are committed to reducing high-risk drinking, substance misuse and related harms.
This website is designed to equip you with some tools and resources that will help you engage in effective communication with your student about alcohol and drugs.